How Embarrassing!
by RaspberryBlue01
Summary: The girls are way too embarrassed to go out and buy personal items for themselves, so they send the guys out instead! Non-yaoi, usual straight pairings, rated PG for mild sexual dialogue.


Disclaimer: I don't owm Gundam Wing. If I did, I'd find other things to do with my time besides writing fanfiction. I don't own Wal-Mart, or anything else in this story that's already copyrighted. So like I've been saying all along, if ya wanna sue it, screw it! 

It's my second fanfic! ^_^ I wrote it while I was visiting my aunt. She doesn't like 2 shop, so she sends my poor uncle out instead. I woke up one day thinking about it (dunno why), and then I thought a GW fanfic about this would be perfect! Please R&R! 

"How Embarrassing!"  
by *~Mercedes Yuy-Masaki~*

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRROOOOOOO!!!!" Relena's voice rang throughout the Peacecraft mansion. She needed him to go to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things, because as the former queen of the world, she was way too embarrassed to go herself. She searched the house and soon found Heero at the computer, hacking into confidential Oz files. "I knew I'd find you here," said Relena. 

Heero simply responded, "Hn." 

"Heero, while you're still on the subject of confidential matters, Pagan's sick, so could you do a little shopping for me?" Relena handed him her list. 

Heero examined the list, made a few scared facial expressions, and answered, "Mission accepted." 

"Thank you, Heero." 

And so, the great Heero Yuy set off on his most difficult mission yet--buying personal items for Miss Relena. All the way to Wal-Mart, he grumbled things like, "Why can't she do her own shopping?" and, "I don't even know what half this stuff is!" When he got there, he strolled in nonchalantly, grabbed a cart, and looked at the first thing on the list. "Feminine napkins, hn." He looked up at the ceiling for any sign that might indicate the Houseware section. Once he found it, he wheeled his cart over to the aisle where the napkins were. He gazed in awe at how many designs there were to choose from. Finally, his eyes landed on a package full of napkins with a pink floral print on it. "These look feminine enough," Heero said to himself, I wonder what Relena was so embarrassed about." He tossed the package into his cart and went on his merry way. 

The next thing on the list was toilet paper. Thank goodness he knew what that was. This wasn't too far away. He pushed the cart over to where it was, picked up a huge package of 36 rolls (so they wouldn't run out so soon), and carefully placed it in the cart. Just then, he saw Duo and Trowa walking by. Needless to say, Duo was doing most of the talking. Heero prayed Duo wouldn't spot him. Unfortunately,... 

"Well, whaddya know! Looks like the Perfect Soldier's doin' a little shopping!" 

"Hn...." 

"Hey, ya havin' some kinda party?" Duo had spotted the napkins in Heero's cart. 

"No, Relena just wanted me to buy some napkins. She specified that they had to look feminine." 

Trowa began to crack a smile, but on the inside, he was laughing at Heero so hard, he could have exploded. Heero knew Trowa was laughing at him, so he gave him his famous glare of death. Trowa instantly returned to his usual blank, expressionless face. 

"Um, Heero, those may be feminine, and they may be napkins, but they are definitely _not_ feminine napkins," Duo explained. 

"How do _you_ know?" Heero asked, giving Duo the same glare he gave Trowa. 

"Trust me. I know women like Wufei knows Nataku!" 

"That's what I'm afraid of." 

"I'll show you what they are," said Trowa. "We're headed over to that section right now." 

So Heero put his pink flower napkins back, and the three clueless men made their way to the Health & Beauty section. Soon, they came to a wall where they were bombarded by words like Kotex, Stayfree, and Tampax. 

"So these are all feminine napkins," commented Heero. 

"Yup," said Duo. "They don't look like napkins, but that's what they call 'em. I wonder what they use 'em for?" 

"You don't want to know," said Trowa. 

Heero was rummaging through the different strengths. "Heavy flow, light flow, overnight, Relena didn't tell me which one she wanted." 

"Take 'em all!" said Duo. "I'm sure she can never have too many. Hilde needs some too." 

Heero and Duo took two packages of each kind of "feminine napkins" and put them in their carts. "Trowa, does Catherine need any?" Duo asked. 

"No, Cathy wants tampons. She said pads were too bulky, and tampons are more helpful when she's performing." 

Heero and Duo had looks on their faces that seemed to say, "What do women do with all this stuff...and how does Trowa know all about this?" While they were standing there dazed, Trowa had gone to get a box of tampons for Catherine. He returned with a blue box in his hand and a complaining Wufei at his side. 

"Hey, Wu-man! Sally make you do the shopping too?" Duo asked. 

"Yes. I can't believe the nerve of that onna, coming up to me with these sad eyes, and calling me 'Wuffie'! Is she too weak to shop for herself? Injustice!" Wufei ranted. His expression changed as he looked at his shopping list. "Does anyone know what a loofah is?" 

"Yeah, it's one of those bath sponges!" Duo answered excitedly. "I like to use Hilde's when she isn't home." 

"I see someone has explored their weak side." 

Duo turned red. "Well, I still haven't figured out what _these_ are for!" He held up Trowa's Catherine's tampons. 

"Let's see what else those onnas want," Wufei said. 

"Hmmm...Hilde needs...AAAAHH!" Duo read a single dreaded word on his list. "NO! There is no way the mighty Shinigami is going into _that_ part of the store! 

"Come on, Duo. It won't kill you. Besides, we all need to get them," said Trowa. 

"But we're in public!" 

Heero let out a very exasperated "Hn," and dragged Duo by the ear to their next stop. On the way, Trowa took Wufei to the bath section and got a loofah for Sally. 

People everywhere began to stare quizzically at the guys who were headed for the women's lingerie section. However, their fear of others seeing them had left them by this time, and they didn't care who saw them. All they wanted was to get this trip to Wal-Mart over with...and hopefully learn something new about women when they all got home. 

"Okay, Relena wants 32B," Heero said. He grabbed about five brassieres and tossed them into his cart. The other ex-pilots found their girlfriends' (or in Trowa's case, sister's) sizes and did the same. 

"Good thing they told us what size they wanted," said Duo. "No way in heck I'd take _all_ of these home!" 

"I feel quite lucky I am not an onna," Wufei commented. "These things look incredibly uncomfortable!" 

Duo looked around and spotted Dorothy shopping in the same section. He pointed and whispered to Heero, "Now there's someone who's not afraid of doing her own shopping!" 

"Hn." 

"Hey, Dorothy! What's up?" Duo called. 

"Hey, Duo," answered Dorothy. "Quatre's being a real pain in the butt, so he asked me to come buy him some Preparation-H. He said he's too afraid to come buy it himself." 

"I know what you mean," said Heero. 

"And while I was here, I thought I might buy some stuff for myself." 

Duo noticed some items in Dorothy's cart. "Hey, you wear boxers?" 

"No, those are Quatre's too." 

"Man, I always thought of him to be a briefs kinda guy." 

"He is, I just figured boxers would look better on him." Dorothy began swooning, "I just love a man in boxers! Anyways, catch ya later!" She was finished shopping, so she wheeled her cart to the checkout counter. 

Duo had gone somewhere else, and the other guys were looking around as he returned with a red satin nightgown in his hand. "Hey, guys! Howdya think this'll look on Hilde?" 

The guys said nothing. They simply answered Duo's question with a are-you-sure-you-wanna-buy-that, Hilde's-gonna-kill-you look. 

"That's what I thought." Duo put the special surprise into his cart. 

"So, are we finished?" asked Wufei. 

"No," said Trowa, "I have to get rubber cement." 

"What does Catherine need that for?" asked Duo. 

"It's not for Catherine, it's for me." 

The guys gave Trowa a strange look. 

"What, you think I use _gel_ to get this look?" He pointed to his hair. 

The guys made their final stop near the Arts & Crafts section and waited for Trowa to get his rubber cement. After he returned, they all went over to the checkout counter. The woman behind it laughed at them as she scanned all these women's personal items. Wufei scoffed, "I can't believe _I_ am being laughed at by an onna!" They charged the stuff on their credit cards and finally made their own separate ways to their cars. 

As Heero unlocked the door to Pagan's Lincoln, he heard someone shout, "Ha ha! The big macho Gundam pilot's driving a pink car!" He pulled a gun out of his spandex pants (lucky gun! ^_^), pointed it at the stranger, and said, "Omae o korosu." The rude stranger immediately got quiet and left Heero alone. Heero got inside the pink car and cranked the engine, wishing there was such a thing at Wal-Mart as 'mobile suit parking lots'. "Mission complete," he said, and he drove back to the Peacecraft mansion. 

Wufei loaded the items, loofah and all, into the trunk of Sally's new royal blue Mustang Cobra convertible. The same stranger that had made fun of Heero shouted at him, "Hey, man! Nice Mustang!" Wufei stepped into the car and said, "Injustice! That onna gets everything!" He drove home to a very happy and pleased onna Sally. 

Trowa made it to Catherine's green Chrysler Sebring convertible and put his sister's personal items in the trunk. He stepped in, thinking, _Thank goodness she let me drive this, instead of the clown car. I wonder if she's taken the lion out for his walk yet._

Unfortunately, things didn't go so well for Duo. He hopped into his El Camino, thinking, _I can't believe Hilde took the Corvette._ He got stuck in traffic behind someone who deserved the award for Bad Driver of the Year, and when he returned to the Maxwell house,... 

"Hilde, I'm home!" Duo called as he opened the door. He looked all around for her and found her in her room, reading a book. "Here's the stuff!" he happily announced. 

Hilde searched through the bag, making sure she got everything she asked for. "Thank you, Duo!" she said, giving him a hug. Duo swallowed a lump in this throat, suddenly remembering the nightgown. Hilde let go of Duo and dumped the contents of her bag onto her bed. That was when she found the nightgown. "Mr. Maxwell?" She asked in a threatening tone of voice. Duo became afraid, _very_ afraid. "What, may I ask, were you planning to do with _this_?" She held up the nightgown. 

"Um...happy very early birthday?" 

"You pig!" Hilde gave Duo the slap of a lifetime and threw him out of her room. 

Duo rubbed away the pain from the slap, smiling all the while, thinking, _She wants me!_ Since he had nothing else to do, he made himself a cup of coffee and sat down to watch TV. 

As for Hilde, she hung the nightgown in the back of her closet, knowing she'd have to save it for after she married that braided pig. She put away her things (like the rest of the women did) and went back to reading her book. 

  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*The end!*~*~*~*~*   
  
  
  
...or is it?   
  
  
  
I guess not!   
  
  


Dorothy drove her yellow and brown gas guzzler back to the Winner mansion, thinking, _Why can't that blonde wuss buy me a new car?_ She got home, found Quatre, and threw the bag containing his belongings into his lap. He looked up with those huge, sincere, absolutely adorable teal eyes and said, "Thank you, Dorothy. I really would have done this myself if I was feeling better." He looked through the bag and found something that obviously wasn't his. He read the label before handing it back to Dorothy. "You're a C?" Dorothy snatched the object from Quatre's hand and left to put her own personal items away. 

And so, the five ex-Gundam pilots and their female friends lived perfectly normal and happy lives, only now, they knew a little more about each other...possibly more than anyone ever wanted to know. 

  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*The end!*~*~*~*~*   
  
  
  
Really! It is! I'm not kidding!

  
  
  
Plz R&R! 


End file.
